Laughter amidst the noise

Another morning spent at a cafe. I am working on---STOP EMAILING ME!!!!! pops up ding Ding on my notifications. I quickly delete the unhappy recipient from my contacts list and continue on to writing/typing and of course the very important business of trying to stay awake while sitting cross legged at a very warm cafe with one leg falling asleep.

I have been driving a lot this week. All the way to Gloucester and back two times in one week. I've also gotten paid so the only natural thing to do would be spend it all on food! I cleaned my room, mostly my drawers. I have been told that the condition of your room reflects onto your life. I believe that is true. Not only of your room but your appearance, your studies...speaking of studies...

I took two no three tests this week! Two in espanol and one in biology. Surprisingly, or perhaps sadly since starting community college I have become more unmotivated in my studies. I no longer am doing my best, studying my hardest for the tests. I feel like I am learning despite this. Although, I no longer cram like crazy for a test, I do my best in class to understand the material. All of my time outside of class is devoted to other activities. "Other activities" And because of this lack of motivation and laziness I am calling it, I have decided to scold myself starting NOW and begin doing better!
I have it in me! I know how to study! I can dedicate more of my time to actually studying the material out of class, at---home. I can do this.

In times like these I wish I was taking an English class. I like thinking abstractly and I miss the reflection that an English class brings. Spanish and Biology has been very eye opening in a different way. I am actually learning really interesting information that will help me. However, some of it is so tangible I long for the fluffiness and clouds rather than the hard, rock earth I've been given.
I miss writing papers. I enjoy the writing process.

"What are you studying towards in school?" asks my general manager. "Business." This is what I want to do. Manage. Plan. Create. Direct. A year ago I wanted to edit videos. Before that it was teaching. I am teaching and I am editing videos. I am directing and managing in several places. I feel like it would be a great challenge to become a shift manager at work, study more about numbers, and business in general.
Yes. Management. Business.
AND

Right now this is laughter amidst the noise.

Un corazon para Dios

A heart for God.

I am sitting here in Aromas, a quaint cafe in the middle of the William and Mary campus in my hometown Williamsburg, Virginia. It is snowing off and on big snowy flakes. Esta nevando. In front of me is an unfinished bowl of oatmeal whose caramelized banana was devoured instantly and a medium, I mean small but these cups always confuse me because they are more of a medium to me than a small.

After hitting his head on the thick wooden board that is my table, a student successfully stands and returns to his now charging electronic device. Flashback to the Avengers movie where Captain America is asked by Iron Man to report on the status of one of the engines, after a glance at the bright flashing lights he reports, "It seems to run on some type of electricity." That would be my reply exactly.

I have finished one of fifty homework assignments por classe de espanol. During my writing and conjugating, I have taken constant breaks to listen in on the conversation of my neighbors. Two ladies converse on spiritual topics over bagels and coffee. As I considered my decision of thick oatmeal over lighter fruit or the creamy cheese that would accompany a thick bagel, I heard the phrase, a heart for God.

The women continue to speak of David and compare him to another biblical character. Righteousness and what that entailed for the Savior and the sinners. Faith, bible study, church attendance. And now as I listen carefully they are speaking of a theologian.

"He is the only seventh-day adventist who is also a Catholic bishop." Mr. Jay tells of stories from his younger years this past Saturday at the Berryman house. I am always interested in stories, narratives. How a person got here from where. What could have possibly made a person who they are at this moment. The scraps and pieces that contribute to who they are. Who are they? As I listened then to a couple who I have known for almost my whole life, I am in awe of their faith, their strength, loyalty and I wonder how it is possible for people like them to have been young at one time.

One the women talk. Computers open, across the cafe sits a guy I always see in here. Hat, beard, jacket, always orders a simple cup of self served coffee and then opens up his nook and reads. He stares now and our eyes have caught for a moment, looked away and caught. He scratches his beard, strokes the hairs and stops. I feel like a creeper as I continue to stare while typing. Smoothing, pulling. His hand over his beard moves again.

What is the point of this time in my life? Lately I have been asking myself this question over and over. I hope one day to awake to my once motivated and excited self. What happened to the teenager, young girl who jumped at any opportunity she could get to serve, help, do more, try more? Witness more? I now no longer have that feeling of urgency. I have relaxed. Have I mellowed out? Or is this just a stop pit as I wait for the next chapter to start? Wait for the next chapter to start...that is an misleading statement I think. In a book you do not come across blank sets of pages between chapters. This is where the waiting for the next chapter to start occurs. Or not. Because this is not so. In life the book continues. Reader or not. The movie keeps playing there is no intermission.

Awkward moment as gray haired, glassed face meets eyes with me as I look away I feel him continue to stare. "Do you want your receipt?" I miss that statement as the girl at the register speaks to a customer. I think of the water, food, and grease I will encounter this evening a work. The spanish I will attempt to speak at noon and the old friends I may encounter on the steps in half an hour.

I look over to who I believe is the father of a young girl who dances at In His Steps studying dilligently at his computer, book, which I would like to imagine as a bible, open in front of him. I feel impressed to leave.

rigthbrainedbeauty saw your photo. Thank you instagram.

rightbrainedbeauty commented on your photo.

"That looks glorious."

White bowl of oatmeal, not too sugary not too bland, cranberries, and caramelized brown sugar atop a half sliced banana.

Why Teach? why learn?

Sitting in a coffee shop listening to both the music exiting the speakers of my blue headphones as me and my blue CrossFit shirt are surrounded by the chatter and Christmas music courtesy of James Taylor and fellow coffee shop sitters.
I will ignore the fact I have't been on here in near a year and continue to tell the emptiness that I am reading a book. The book "Why Teach?" is by Mark Edmunson. What I know so far about him is that he teaches at UVA. So many truths so far to his book that I am swimming in my brain that is drowning due to these ideas that I myself have been telling myself and chewing over for months, years, ever since my first semester at community college. My new facebook status (because of course when we discover something new and idealogical it must be etched into the stony crevice of our book of faces line of time), is from the book,

"Students worry that taking too many chances with their education will sabotage their future prospects...There's a sentiment currently afoot that if you step aside for a moment to write, to travel, to fall too hard in love, you might lose position permanently."

The above idea plus the hypothesis that most students are mindless creatures who live in a constant environment of activity and drama yet themselves are so unenthusiastic and have nothing to say in response to pieces of literaure except for, "I enjoyed it."
Enjoyment. Students today seem to think that education is for their enjoyment and if pleasure is not derived from the act of learning and studying then it surely is not profitable. After all if it hurts why do it? Mark mentions this attitude of "learning" has been due to most parents discouraging honesty and criticism from teachers because children must always be flattered and never must a hurtful word enter the mix.
People have forgotten that the reason we seek education is because of our present ignorance.
Smart doesn't come from smart already.
So as a present student and teacher and continuous seeker of education and opportunities to learn, I will seek for Teachers (as I have been) who don't flatter students, I will be honest with them and while I'm still afraid of raising my hand or speaking I will still face that discomfort and share. Learn. Get embarrassed and try to get used to being such.

To a dear friend

Happy Birthday Vashti!

My gift to you: http://youtu.be/TnIAPuA78TA


         Of course on this special day I must say a few words to my dear dear friend.  When I first met you I thought, "This girl is crazy."  And after a few months, I realized that my first impression of you was correct.  You were crazy. You are crazy. And I don't ever want you to change your craziness!
          Other than being totally off the wall, and completely unlike any friend I ever had before, you are a great teacher. "Huh?" You ask, "What did I teach you?"  Well...I learned things from you that I could never learn from anyone else.  For example, you taught me that its okay to be real with people. Before you, I had a hard time showing my real face to my friends, my church, people in everyday life.  I believed, like many do, that putting up a front was the only way to get through life because it was safe.  And being safe at the end of the day is all that matters. BOY was I wrong! I hope others will also see the light after being around you even for just a few minutes. I remember thinking, "This girl is free. She is herself no matter the situation. She is honest. I admire that. I need that. That honesty."  So I thank you for that one important lesson.
            However, that is just one lesson in a HUMONGOUS bucket of lessons learned from Vashti. I will share the others around your next birthday time (you'll have to still be friends with me then--see what I did there!).  On to how you taught me these important lessons.  It wasn't ever a class or a long detailed explanation in "who Vashti is."  You simply live your life and in that, simply living, you can be the best teacher and encourage those around you much more than any extravagant preacher can.
             This is why I treasure you!  You are one of the few people out there who is real.  You don't mess around and take the fakeness. I love talking with you and hearing how your day went. There really is never a boring day in Vashti's life. When I see your name I see orange butterflies, sunflowers, yoga mats, and lots and lots of tea!  I hope the next years for you will bring even more oppurtunities for you to shine.  God is working through you.  Stay strong, vibrant, and active. Stay spontaneous. Always be laughing. I know you will go on a great adventure someday and it will be amazing.  Just remember to invite me!
              Love ya girl!

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Well this failed!--sorta

Hello again friends!

As you can see in the above photo, I am about to punch myself in the face.
Why?
Because. Its August.  What? I said, its August. Its August, its August, its AUGUST!
I know you all can count. March was my last entry................................................its been awhile.
I'm back! With a new obsession of cutting things! You can tell in the pic I've gotten a shorter haircut due to my scissor addiction. But hair is only the first victim, the second is clothing. The shirt in the picture is also cut up.

Off the subject of my diseases and many things wrong with me, what has happened this summer you ask?

1. Summer Camp
2. Camp in the summer
3. Gone for 6 weeks
4. Camp Blue Ridge
5. Up in the mountains
6. Had fun!
7. Ha-la-la-la-la-la-la-le-lu-jah

The above is what happened. If you're really that interested in knowing, come on over and I'll let you read my diary entries for those 6 weeks because guess what? I wrote every single day! WHAAAAA?

My new favorite annoying songs:

1. What Makes You Beautiful
2. Be A Man (from Disney's Mulan)
3. Circle of Life (from Disney's Lion King)
4. Colors of the Wind (from Disney's Pocohontas)

--yeah I know-- a lot of Disney. 

But the best thing that I took away is the theme of the summer camp which was: "Heart of Worship."  Yes. We sang that song. Yes. A lot of times. Yes, at times it was annoying.  But everytime I sang it, I thought about the meaning and really tried my best to make it worship although it was "same old, same old."  Good isn't boring. The distractions of this life are not worth the suffering. 
Coming back from camp, I want to move and go out there and really just be proud and open about being a child of God. So that others will want this peace! It is amazing!

"That's Mahogany!" a Hunger Games review

 What did I think of the HUNGER GAMES?  Well-------

ON PEETA
His was the first name I could think of after I finished watching the movie.  The burning question in my mind about the next movie is "What will happen to Peeta."  Keep in mind that I read the books after I had seen the trailer for the film adaptation.  So I imagined each character with their actor's face ever present in my mind.  Josh Hutcherson surpassed my expectations of what Peeta should act like. The only thing I didn't like about his character is that he didn't get more dialogue with Katniss to show us, the audience, just how in love with her he is.
Favorite scene w/ Peeta: Obviously the cave scene. And when Katniss finds him all camouflaged! And when he shouts "Go run!"  Also, he didn't look too bad tossing stuff around during training.

ON KATNISS
The reason why she wasn't first on my list of mentioned is because she is too ordinary.  Usually I enjoy the ordinary hero as much as the next viewer especially if the unexpected hero is a girl...however, although Jennifer Lawrence's acting was Katniss good I just don't enjoy her as much as a character.  She was very protective at the beginning of Prim and bitter towards her mother which I never liked about her. She's a very tricky heroine.  You are supposed to like her and hate her and identify with her all at the same time.  And I can do all of that! I just don't love her.
Favorite scene w/ Katniss: Rue's death.  She got a chance to show her emotion.  In the film it seemed as if Katniss knew what she was doing and you couldn't actually believe that she could lose.  She was up there with Cato as far as survival and strategy goes I think.  There could have been more of a risk with her and there wasn't enough for me.

ON EFFIE
Instead of going in the list of "other" characters Effie stands out because other than Peeta, this movie got Effie straight on!  From the way she dressed, her accent, high shoes, to the way she yelled out the phrase that is taking over tumblr "That's Mahogany!" Effie Trinket stole Katniss' thunder.
Favorite scene w/ Effie: All the awkward moments between her and Haymitch. I think I'm going to ship those two from now on in the movies.

ON HAYMITCH
I wish he was grubbier.  I wish he was meaner.  I wish he had shown more vulnerability when he was drunk.   The actor was good. I liked his look but I wish he was just a bit more exaggerated.  His relationship with Katniss was good.  Even in the movie he was still brutally honest.
Favorite scene w/ Haymitch: After Katniss' interview he says " I like your dress."  Effie is standing right next to Katniss so he adds looking at Effie, "Not yours."  Effie/Haymitch need to be a canon couple!

ON SNOW
Boring.  He was so boring.  The only way he resembled President Snow in the books is his hair.  I have nothing against Donald Sutherland and that is the problem right there! I didn't hate him!  Snow has to be hated.  Where was the smell of blood?  Where was the coldness?  I wanted to snuggle up to him and have him read me a bedtime story he was so nice!
No favorite scene.

ON CAESAR
I didn't know the actor who played Caesar was going to play him in the movie but when I read the book I put Stanley Tucci's face behind that mic.  His smile and laugh and gait was exactly how I imagined it.  Like Peeta, Caesar did not let me down!  He put on a FANTASTIC show.
Favorite scene: The interview with Katniss. It was so awkward but that kiss he gave her on the hand was so sweet of him.

ON CINNA
I love how he was nice and friendly and very supportive to Katniss.  I wish I had liked Katniss more.  You know to get down to it, I'm just really jealous of her that's why I'm so hard on her character.  Because if it was me I'd take advantage of the situation so bad...okay end of that off point.  Cinna.  Yes.  Very good.
Favorite scene:  Those moments before the games begin.  When he places his forehead to hers.  He understands and can sympathize with his tributes.

ON OTHER CHARACTERS
Where was Cinna's support stylists?  I missed them.  I also missed Madge and the scene at the beginning when Gale and Katniss hunted would have been better if they had added the scene with the two runaways and the one who gets turned into an avox.  Avoxes in general.  I felt like they toned it down way too much to make it "kid friendly."  True it is PG-13 but still it felt like a teen flick.  I wanted gritty and  creepy and something darker.  Where was the mystery and darkness lurking behind those painted faces at the Capitol?  I liked the game maker better as Snow than Snow himself?  Why?  Because he had a mischeviousness about him that the Capitol lacked.

ON MISSING SCENES
1. AVOX
At the beginning of the story Gale and Katniss wander upon two runaway persons in the woods during a hunting expedition.  One is killed while the other is taken away in a hovercraft.  Katniss runs into this person later on at the Capitol after she has become an Avox.  She always felt guilty that she didn't help her.  I feel like this side plot would have gone a long way in helping me like Katniss' character more.
2. Peeta's INJURIES
Peeta was supposed to have his leg amputated!  What happened there?  He was supposed to have almost died?  Instead he just has a small fever from a very small cut in his leg.  Big fail there!
3. Cinna's TEAM
I missed this rambunctious shallow bunch.  Sure it would have made this movie longer, but again just more things that would have added to Katniss' character boost on the ladder of my favor.
4. Haymitch AT THE REAPING
Why wasn't Haymitch at the Reaping?  He was supposed to keel over drunk!
5.TRIBUTES
Where were the eyes of the dead tributes in the mutts?  Why didn't anyone react more to the food getting blown up?  I didn't feel enough desperateness and hate between all the tributes during the games.  Sure they all may not have enjoyed their time there, but I am sure there were some who were blood thirsty and that was shown in Cato but there wasn't enough fear and desperateness in the rest of the victims.
6. GALE/PEETA/KATNISS
I didn't feel there was enough of a struggle between the three of them.  There was one moment when Gale sees Peeta/Katniss together in the cave but I don't feel that the movie did justice to the struggle Katniss was feeling by playing the lover.  Peeta didn't even seem to care that much when she says she wishes she could forget it all.  The dial on Peeta and Katniss' relationship was tuned down so low I could barely detect it.  If there wasn't that kiss I don't know...there was one scene that was perfect with Peeta/Katniss.  When she hears a cannon and thinks its Peeta and then bumps into him and scolds him for picking nightlock berries perfect.  Yeah.  Peeta did well on his part of being in love but I didn't feel the struggle in Katniss.  All Katniss was in was survival mode.  Oh well. Maybe the next movie will remedy this.

OVERALL VIEW
Okay so if I had to rate this movie I would give it an 8!
The cinematography was really good--I just wish the camera wasn't so shaky and music videoish on some parts I was getting dizzy.  Acting good.  Actor choice was pretty good.  Violence was well represented.  Storyline....I know its hard to shorten a book but I wish they had added more to make this story gutsier.  They toned it down alot and that's not the reason I enjoy these books so much.  Its about a heartless society.  They kill kids.  Its supposed to be gritty and creepy and scary.  They needed more creepy.  Also, more desperate.  Snow again was a BIG FAIL!  Other than that, I really liked Peeta and Effie and smiled so much when Katniss blew up the supplies.  Many great memorable moments.  So now I'm off to buy the books so that I can re-read the first one again before watching the movie again!

May the odds be ever in your favor.