Way I Tend to Be or Not to Be?-Thoughts on a Tuesday

The Way I Tend to Be-Frank Turner (above video/song)

This describes the way I'm feeling right now.

Sitting here in my dorm room after two non-stop hours of finishing some Anatomy and Physiology homework that is not due for a week, cleaning my room, after finishing folding laundry that was washed on Friday, contemplating whether or not to exercise a bit at this evening hour.

I sit here thinking of the monotonous act of school, work, and homework. I sit here thinking back to when my bedroom was my sanctuary and how I would spend hours cleaning, reorganizing, watching movies, reading books, exercising, and taking part in hours long phone conversations in that precious space. I feel a bit as if I've hit the rewind button on my life and I'm back to that teenage girl who was hoarding up her adventures for the day when she would be ready to step outside into the big, bad world and live her dream. I feel as if I'm a battery recharging.

In a way I am disappointed in myself. In a way I feel trapped.

In a way I am proud of myself. In a way I am content.

Its back and forth.

However, right now the meter points more to the content side of things.

Whatever comes next on this journey I will do my best to treasure this stillness. This actively less busy life. I am a student now. Learning by absorbing and passing on information given to me. In time, I will use that information in my future career (fingers crossed) and I will be all the better student for studying other random bits of information that may seem completely unrelated (yeah).

Who knows? Perhaps this is a great time to practice my skills that I so quickly laid aside for "money making jobs." Videos, music, dance, and writing *wink, wink*. Maybe its time to go back to the basics. To what I enjoy.

For a while I've thought that in order to be a successful adult I must "buckle down" and get a "normal job." Yet, as I am on the brink of becoming that "normal adult" I am realizing how trapped I am feeling. I would rather do what I enjoy than be stable in a profession I dreaded to wake up to.

I am choosing this. 

The way I tend to be. I am letting my passions lead me. For I believe God has given us the desires of our heart for a reason. To honor Him. I am going to focus on trusting that He will make a way---NO--that He already has a way made for me to do what I love and am good at in a way that will help others and uplift His holy name.