Jan 19-Grandma

So I'm up on the second floor of my Aunty Pie's home lying on my stomach using my cousin's computer.
Downstairs my family is eating a very quiet, very strained dinner.
The cause of the strained quiet?  My grandmother, Anne Taitague Ulloa.

When my grandma came to live with us in Virginia, I was 12.
The only memories I had of her were happy ones.  She gave us grandkids sweets and clothes and spoiled us rotten.  Boy was I in for a surprise!  Because I had not been introduced to the other side of her.

Every person has two sides to them.  There's the light side and then theres the dark side.  My grandma's dark side came out a few weeks after she was living with us.  She would get overly angry about small things like us kids not doing our chores on time.  Sometimes her scolding would increase to loud fits where she would walk around the house yelling her head off.  Once, she chased me around the house and into a closet not caring that I was bawling all the water out of my eye sockets. 

That night, my mom explained to me that grandma, would get overly excited sometimes and she has been this way for awhile ever since her blood pressure went up and she got diabetes.  My mom told me that we just need to be gentle and comply with what she wants.  "Don't argue," she told me.

And so I learned how to "comply" with grandma's "difficulty."  I learned how to "agree" with her and "manipulate" around her fits to make it seem as if the problem was solved.  I became very skilled in this and soon I could tell when one of her fits were coming on and what degree of compliancy would be needed this time around.

I wonder if this is the best way to handle situations like these?  I know this is the only way I know to calm her, but I can't help but feel deceitful in a way.  I know I'm not displaying my true feelings towards her.  But is it deceitful to hide the way you feel and just go along with the flow?  Or is it okay as long as everyone is getting along fine?  I don't know...I used to think that hiding your feelings is a lie to yourself and others but now I don't know.

Either way, my grandma has taught me that God must be a very patient person.  He loves us no matter what our faults are and even when we are angry and yell at Him for no justified reason.  How great our heavenly Father is!

So, during this visit in Guam I've learned to just be.  Be calm.  Be compliant.  Be helpful. Be agreeable.  Put myself last and grandma first.  Its been a very challenging, yet, humbling and gratifying experience.  I know stuff like this really helps a person grow.  I've grown in knowing my grandma.  She is a great person no matter how shady her dark side gets, her light side is always amazing.